Friday, June 13, 2014

CD : revise that haiku 6

yube ni mo asa ni mo tsukazu uri no hana
it belongs
neither to morning nor to evening
the flower of the melon
© Matsuo Basho (translation by R.H.Blyth)
in her realm
the flowers of the melon blooming
at noon
© Chèvrefeuille


melon noon bloomer
abundant flowers sauteed with
butter; taste the sun

cJP/davh
Note: Perhaps it is true that some poetic minds think alike?
I, like Cheverefeuille,  also have ‘noon’ in my haiku because
I thought if the melon did not belong to the morning or evening,

what was left? :) I wonder how many of us thought this way?
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2 comments:

  1. kaykualaJune 14, 2014 at 7:01 AM

    Good for starters naturally cooked! So be it! Nicely Jules!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
  2. ChèvrefeuilleJune 14, 2014 at 8:36 AM

    Wow Jules you have revised this haiku by Basho in a very strong way and you even have used a little of my revised haiku. Thank you I am honored.

    ReplyDelete

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